What an interesting meditation practice this morning. Despite having the background and training of being a meditation teacher, I’m always curious about new experiences in my process, and today what I realized was how the energy of one singular day–less than 24 hours, actually–can be so intensely and drastically different.
Yesterday’s practice was fairly light, in an energetic sense, (read about it here), whereas today’s was absolutely not. I woke after a decent sleep and incredibly intense, lucid dreams to feeling a deep, pervasive, heavy sadness in my entire body. I wished it had been raining this morning rather than slightly sunny, because that’s how I felt on the inside. Nothing in my external, immediate reality prompted this, yet I woke up with these feelings.
So I did what I have learned to do when I feel deeply: I came to my cushion, sat for 30 minutes, and let myself cry whatever sadness showed itself. I have an understanding of one trigger, and when that initial sadness and crying passed, I let myself fully feel the wave of lightness. Sadness wasn’t done, though, and another deeper, more intense wave came, and graced me with the time to explore it. It brought with it some very old feelings of the lack of self worth, a battle I’ve waged over most of my life and have essentially come to peace with. However, as we learn in meditation, we are only soul and spirit in a human form, so we must acquiesce to the waves of human emotions as they present themselves. I felt it, examined it thoroughly, and allowed it to pass as well.
Meditation brought me into my day as myself, not the sadness that my dream state gave me, which is a gift. Hope it brings you the same sense of peace. If you do practice this heart space practice today, I’d love to hear your experience.