By brewing, I mean I’m brainstorming. We’re not talking coffee, though I could use a refresher now that it’s almost noon.
Different day, same dilemma.
Trying to figure out my life purpose and not making a whole lot of solid progress to speak of, though I am making some.
I attribute that 110% to Mars not only having slowed its retrograde to station direct yesterday, and inching direct tomorrow, January 13, in Taurus. Joke if you will, but Mars in retrograde is that energy of sludge, sludge, sludge through the quicksand and sinking deeper the more you fight against it.
Thank heavens it’s stopped that nonsense and is, in tiny tiny bits, will begin going forward. Each day we’ll feel a little more energy and movement, but don’t sue me if you don’t feel it. I’m not an official astrologer, I just play one on the internet and with my friends who I read tarot for.
(Also, I’m a Taurus sun, moon, and Mercury. I dare you to attempt to change my mind. I’m not even sure I know how to change my mind, or that it’s possible. But with Uranus hanging out with me for the last several years, someone/something bigger than me has been attempting to teach me that skill. I’m learning.)
The progress I’ve made is all mental. (Did you know that Mercury is also in retrograde until January 18th? That’s why. Going back over things that need clarity before moving ahead. Astrology just makes sense.)
TBH, I suppose thinking through things is why brainstorming exists.
Even the clarity I gained last night through my charting adventure has morphed into something different. Here’s where I currently stand:
- I have this blog, which was started for the sole purpose of a creative outlet. I love it. It’s my baby. But it has outgrown its britches here at wordpress.com, which I knew it would. I’ve been blogging a LONG LONG time, and knew this day would come. I won’t bore you with why (sorry, fellow blog nerds). Suffice it to say that I cannot grow here the way I want, and need to go looking for different internet real estate.
- I started a website (blog-based) with the intention of monetizing in a niche I love very, very much. I have built it up, taken courses, have channels and content and views, (not making money…yet, but I can see it getting there), and genuinely enjoy the challenge of starting from scratch in a different venue BUT
- I know the website is supposed to be third-person, detached, not at all personal, but it does not feel authentic to me. It feels like I’m trying too hard to be something I’m not. I don’t want to give it up, and I don’t want to give this space up, either. So my meaning-making endeavors are involving some kind of merge or realignment. It would require pivoting on that content and this content. The struggle comes with how.
- Initially, I imagined moving this blog to a separate domain I already own (I gotta get rid of the wordpress.com, that’s a no-brainer in order to be more intentional and productive with my content), maintaining the website, and re-establishing my author website (currently redirected to the aforementioned website) for purposes of coming back into the freelance game. That was the three-circle chart I shared last night.
- My head exploded when I came to my senses this morning. I cannot manage and maintain three separate websites. Simply cannot. Granted, my author website will require minimum upkeep and maintenance once it’s established. That still leaves this blog & that website.
- If you have never tried running a website, or establishing a blog outside of just a general capture of ideas/life (that’s how I started here. Not judging. But I have planzzzzz for this space beyond that now), and don’t plan to outsource content creation to Fiverr or some other service, plus still want to learn the nuts and bolts of all that is the world of online existence, it’s tough. Not impossible, but tough.
- I made coffee to calm my head and meditated on this dilemma for quite a while this morning. I jammed up more morning pages with inquiry. I did some internet research to see if anyone has ever tried what I am envisioning in my head (and if it worked). Spoiler alert: I’m not new to the game. Just new to the idea.
- I found examples of what I dream of doing that work in the way I want my idea to work. I’m not as off-base as I felt. That’s a relief.
- Now I am at the point of trying to figure out how to get what I have to look like what I want.
It’s funny, but admitting this out loud to you has helped clarify things even further for me. Instead of a second coffee, I’m feeling a bout of purging and organizing coming on. Thanks for listening. TTYL.